No one warned me about parent heartbreak

I remember when I found out I was pregnant with each of my kids. I remember a love I could not describe for someone I had not even met yet, I just knew my life had changed. I read books for pregnancy, newborns and babies and felt prepared. My babyshower I heard the stories of meltdown, sleepless nights and the struggles that would come from parenting but I still felt prepared and warned enough that I could equip myself with the right tools to help make it easier.

This was not the case with teenage years. I felt isolated, ashamed and that others even turned away when I experienced struggles. This made me feel so alone and frustrated that there were not as many resources for when I needed answers in helping my struggling teen. I saw the friends I had confided in when I had a sleepless night or tantrum in the store go from supportive and understanding to judgmental and distant because it was obviously contiguous and they didn’t want to spread it to there kids as well.I didn’t need their judgment I had plenty for myself already.

Wondering if I was to hard or didn’t say I love you enough. Gave him to much or not enough. Didn’t pray enough or didn’t ask the right questions to prepare him and I for this time in life. I have enough judgement and shame, I needed them. I needed my friends just to listen I needed someone to tell me it’s ok. My heart was broken but not only that I had felt like a failure and had no one to tell me otherwise. I wish I could say it has gotten easier but it has not. This is our phase but what I have learned is hurt and trauma is the stem of behavior. Without the mom tribe that seems to be strong even through elementary school I find myself finding support in therapy and building a stronger relationship with my husband because he is with me through it all.

I want you to know there is support out there.

I know this stage in life is just as confusing and heartbreaking for my son. I have also leaned on strangers in groups going through the same things as I am. They understand, they are there.

So moms afraid of your friends struggling with hard stuff in their kids teenage years, please listen.

They already feel ashamed, please do not pick at all their parenting decisions

They are tired mentally and physically, take them out for coffee just for a moment away

Listen and it’s ok if you don’t have an answer, just being there is enough

Help them find time to be them.

When we are going through the thick of it with our teenager the last thing on our mind is ourself.

We need to be reminded it is important to self care

Don’t hate their teenager. Yeah their acting out and we are frustrated as hell but this is a time in their life.

It won’t last forever and honestly they need allies to help them as well and to be heard

Please understand the toll this has had on us as parents and don’t think we are lazy

I would love to hear your story or if you have found your tribe while working through teenage years.

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