What I wanted and what I really needed

I have been planning to get a spin bike for myself for my birthday for a couple months now. I have been researching and seeing which ones have good reviews.

I had started getting into a routine of spinning 2-3x a week before work with my Peloton app. It started hard but after a week I started getting excited for my workout. I love it so much I planned to buy a bike for home as well for early morning workouts.

Then coronavirus took over. My last day of work I did barre then spin later and felt so accomplished. I have tried to stay positive but some days are harder than others. I have still looked on marketplace for a used bike because even though I knew I shouldn't right now I wanted to feeling of normal back. That feeling in the morning after my workout when things are still hard but at that moment I felt great. My workouts had been a way to cope with my anxiety and spin was my outlet.

I saw one for $150 on marketplace and told my husband who in his sound and right judgment mentioned it isn’t the right time. I cried. Cried over a bike. Cried because I knew that my whole world is shifted right now. But I didn’t cry over a bike I cried because of changes in life. Knowing I had to adjust even when it wasn’t my choice. My anxiety kicked in and I just missed the familiar.

I will survive without the bike I know this. I just want you to know you are not selfish for missing normal. Missing your workouts or morning coffee. Sad of changed plans or job loss. Sad that things are not the same and may not be for a while. It's ok not to be ok, it doesn't make you selfish it makes you human. It will be ok but it's ok that it's not right now.


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